The douche burger, and putting a ruler to the dick.
I have been pretty hardcore and serious for a few weeks, and today I want to lighten it up for a change.
First, I want everyone to read this article about a New York City food truck that sells douche burgers. From the article:
For just $666 you can purchase a foie gras-stuffed Kobe patty covered in Gruyere cheese that’s been melted with champagne steam and topped with lobster, truffles, caviar, and a BBQ sauce made with Kopi Luwak coffee beans that have been pooped out by some sort of animal called the Asian palm civet. The whole thing is then served in a gold-leaf wrapper.
Two things I like about this article, first that it’s hilarious and over the top satire, which is always excellent, and second that the world is picking up on my idea of calling people douches when they get really into esoteric stuff.
If you don’t believe me, read my previous post My friend the coffee douche. It’s one of my favorites.
Putting a ruler to the dick
Next, speaking of using language in a funny but pointed way, are you with me that “opening the kimono” is an offensive and sexist phrase? Well, how about we replace it with a better, more offensive, and more sexist phrase that’s even more fun to say, namely “putting a ruler to the dick”??
This was my friend Laura Strausfeld’s idea, and I love it. It’s gonna be the buzzword (buzzphrase) of the year, we just know it.
Here’s how it works in context:
guy A: “So do you think you’ll invest in those guys? They seemed really excited about that new technique they’ve developed!”
guy B: “I don’t know. They talked a big game, but until I can put a ruler to the dick I’m not putting my money there.”