A New Year’s resolution you can keep
Ladies, I know what you’re thinking. But don’t do it. If you need any more proof of the impossibility of losing weight, look no further than this New York Times article which describes it in excruciating, painful detail.
But that’s not even my angle. I’m not going to argue that you shouldn’t try to lose weight because it’s so hard. In fact, it’s possible for some people, as the article describes, as long as they are willing to think about nothing else for the rest of their life. But in fact, even if it wasn’t hard, even if it was an achievable goal, I’d still be arguing against it.
My angle is this: it’s just not interesting enough. You have better things to do than devote yourself to vanity. And plus, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, sexy is something you do, not something you look like.
Do you know how boring those people must be who think about food all the time? Have you ever spent time, real time, with someone who is singularly obsessed with food or exercise? I got news for you, if you haven’t, it’s insanely boring. They can only talk about their plan and how it’s going. And I’ve got news for you if you’re one of those people: you are insanely boring.
Get a hobby that involves other people, that gives you a higher sense of purpose. If you’re a lefty, join your local Occupy Wall Street group. Start writing a blog. Start a book club. Read stuff.
Do you know, I’ve heard this story, that some pollster asked a bunch of people what they’d do if they could do anything. It was left as an open question like that, if you could do anything, what would you do? And the majority of women said they’d lose weight (on average 10 pounds). WHAT?! They could have mentioned closing the income gap? Stopping wars? Improving climate change? Making sure people everywhere had access to clean water? And they chose to lose freaking 10 pounds, are you kidding me?
Actually it’s probably a myth, but it doesn’t really matter, because I believe it. And looking around at the world we live in, with all of the ridiculous assumptions of vanity and, what gets me even more riled up, time spent on crap like that, I can believe that women are typically so bombarded with self-image issues that they can’t think beyond them to bigger issues like wars and clean water and global warming. WTF, culture??
So my New Year’s resolution this year is to fight back against that crap. I’m starting today, one day early, by writing this post. Can I get a fuck yeah?!
I am officially out of the fat ladies’ closet, in full armor, ready to fight against that idea that we have any time to waste with vanity. We have way too much to do, ladies (and gentlemen), and not enough time to do it all. Let’s start now. For starters, I’m going to start to emulate a woman I read about a few years ago on Overheard in New York: “Mom, yeah, I got a Ph.D., I live in my own apartment in Manhattan, and I’ve got a fat ass. How about it?”
I am not ranting against humanity here. I think humanity can be great. But not when our culture is encouraging us to gaze at our navels. We need to actively create greatness, which we can do, but it takes thinking beyond ourselves and asking, what do I really want to do this year?