Home > Aunt Pythia > Aunt Pythia’s advice: finally some sex questions!

Aunt Pythia’s advice: finally some sex questions!

June 1, 2013

I’m psyched to be able to answer your sex-related question today, really. I just don’t know how to thank you guys. Please keep them coming.

And by the way, if you don’t know what you’re in for, go here for past advice columns and here for an explanation of the name Pythia. Most importantly,

Submit your question for Aunt Pythia at the bottom of this page!


Dear Aunt Pythia,

A bit of a fake [sex question] and [fake sex] question. Is there a correlation between the time taken from initiation to climax in fake sex, a.k.a. porn, and the real thing in studies anywhere?

I’m assuming that the requirements for filming, and the ability of editing, and various other factors (chemicals?) might mean that the simulated stimulation will be longer than the real-life version. If so, does the modal time change over the years (e.g movie theatre production runs vs video tape vs internet streaming times)? Or to put it another way, has our ability to maintain attention actually altered as distribution means have changed?

Fake Name

Dear Fake Name,

For a moment I was confused when I read this, because I so wanted it to be another question entirely, which it really isn’t.

Namely, I was wanting it to be a question of why women’s orgasms in porn never actually happen. I have never once in my entire porn-watching adult life seen a real woman have a real orgasm. WTF? Discussion needs to ensue here, it’s very messed up. Just to be clear, it is possible to see real female orgasms but you have to look for them, and they aren’t really considered mainstream porn.

Now that I know you’re talking about men orgasming, I have the following response: who cares?

Fake questions deserve fake answer,

Aunt Pythia


Dear Aunt Pythia,

Help!!! An all male cast of Mathdinosaurs sat on stage at the May 2013 Math Graduation. I wanted to puke from their smugness. We need a token alpha female mathematician here! Will you ask Mathbabe to speak here, please? Can she talk about how amazing little Mathbabes are and make the Mathdinosaurs cry? At least a little?

Will you ask Mathbabe to deliver the commencement address at Berkeley Math graduation in May 2014?

Puking and in need of rehydration

Dear Puking,

I included your question even though it’s not about sex because you’ve invented the phrase “token alpha female” which needed to happen. Also you referred to the Mathbabe in the third person, which she always appreciates.

I’m pretty sure she’d say yes if asked, she loves Berkeley! And she also loves talking about young female mathematicians and how awesome they are.

Aunt Pythia


Dear Aunt Pythia,

I recently saw the following statistic:

The survey also questioned students about their sex lives, finding that 72 percent enroll at Harvard as virgins and 27 percent graduate without having sex.

Surely this can’t be right!

Dance Off Pants Off

Dear DOPO,

Wait, why? Does it surprise you that quite a few people start having sex whilst in college? Or does it surprise you that not everyone has had sex by the time they leave? Or are you reading it incorrectly? Note it says: 72% of people didn’t enter actively sexing it up, 27% of people left not actively sexing it up. There’s no contradiction in terms here.

As an aside: my experience while a resident tutor at Harvard, after being an undergrad at UC Berkeley, was that those Ivy League students could really do with some more sex. It might relax them a bit – too stressed out by far.

Again, this is not the question I was hoping for, though. I was hoping for someone to ask me about how it’s possible that on average, when polled, straight men have more sexual partners than the average straight woman. Someone please ask me that, because it’s one of my favorite subjects in statistics.

Aunt Pythia


Dear Aunt Pythia,

I’ve started experimenting with some kink stuff—nothing too crazy, but sometimes I have rope marks or bruises on my ass. I’m still doing vanilla dating, though. What do I do to explain the marks/bruises when I get intimate with a vanilla guy? Thanks!

Boldly Daringly Sexually Mixing-it-up

Dear BDSM,

Yes! Yes! YES!!! Finally a straight up sex question. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I have asked a bunch of my favorite kinky people this question in the last couple of days and I’ve gotten a pretty consistent response. I will put them all together in a kind of decision-tree format just to be incredibly nerdy:

1) Only explain it if he asks.

2) If he asks, depending on your mood and how much you enjoy fucking with him and/or how worried you are about his reaction, you might either just tell him the truth outright or you might want to ask him “do you really want to know?”

3) If he answers to that “No I guess not”, depending on how you feel you might want to say, “Oh it’s just from playing rugby”, which for whatever reason seems to be a catch-all explanation of any bodily harm.

4) If he answers “I’m interested in knowing” then tell him the truth outright.

5) Important: when you tell him the truth, it has to be like you’re sharing an awesome thing which he’s lucky to know about. Don’t act ashamed of your kinks, because his reaction to it will be very dependent on how you present it. In other words, talk about it like it’s a secret Star Trek series that nobody’s ever heard about but which is now on Netflix.

I hope that helps!

Aunt Pythia



Please submit your sex or data science or other question to Aunt Pythia!

Categories: Aunt Pythia
  1. June 3, 2013 at 8:29 pm

    I think your data on gender differences on self-reported number of sex partners is quickly becoming out of date, see this blog post and papers cited within. A quotation:

    This result confirms what Fisher found in an earlier study, back in 2003 – with one important difference.

    Back in 2003, women went from having fewer sexual partners than men (when not hooked up to a lie detector) to being essentially even to men (when hooked up to the lie detector.)

    In this new study, women actually reported more sexual partners than men when they were both hooked up to a lie detector and thought they had to be truthful.

    “Society has changed, even in the past 10 years, and a variety of researchers have found that differences between men and women in some areas of sexual behavior have essentially disappeared,” she said.

    Although, yes, when not hooked up to a lie detector, men do tend to exaggerate their number of sex partners and women to downplay. Sexual gender norms die hard.


  2. June 7, 2013 at 3:09 am

    “I have never once in my entire porn-watching adult life seen a real woman have a real orgasm.” You’ve been watching the wrong porn.


  1. June 8, 2013 at 8:28 am
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