mathbabe

My friend Michael Thaddeus recently informed me of the existence of the Declaration of Linear Independence, written by mathematician David Grabiner. I will describe the document as a “re-imagining” of the original Declaration of Independence from the point of view of a set of vectors in some vector space which feel, for whatever reason, that their independence has been under attack (I’m considering inviting them to join Occupy).

I’m not really sure I can ethically ask you to read the entire document, due to the intense nerdiness of it which may cause the weaker among you to lose consciousness, but let me give you the flavor. Here’s the most famous sentence translated into vector-angst:

We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all nonzero vectors are created equal; that they are endowed by their definer with certain unalienable rights; that among these are the laws of logic and the pursuit of valid proofs; that to secure these rights, logical arguments are created, deriving their just powers from axioms; that whenever any argument becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the vectors to alter or to abolish it, and to institute a new argument, laying its foundation on such principles, and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to reach the correct conclusion.

Whereas the original document listed grievances against King George III, this new one complains about Professor Eigen, who is a made-up guy personifying everything which is overbearing and repressive about eigenvectors, eigenspaces and eigenvalues. Here’s my favorite complaint:

He has restricted our freedom of movement by requiring us all to live in the same hyperplane, even though we cannot all fit in one.

Finally, the ending is really quite good for those of us who on the one hand remember our linear algebra and on the other hand sympathize with these vectors being denied their (linear) independence rights: