The next time I’m a criminal
Next time I’m tried for a criminal act, I think I’d like to be tried as a big bank.
Then I can pay a smallish fine for my misdeeds – pocket change for me, a cost of doing business really – and be assured that none of my business partners will stop hanging out with me or stop doing business with me, and in fact all punishments will likely be waived.
In any case, I’d prefer not to be tried as a poor person, where I’d likely be charged money I don’t have for my free lawyer, for any time I spend in jail, and possibly extra for a full jury. And if I didn’t have the money I’d have to spend extra time in jail, until I came up with the money I don’t have.
And since all people are equal under the law, even corporations, it shouldn’t matter who I choose to be, so I choose to be a big bank.