Amazon’s binder reviews
If you go to amazon.com and search for “binder” or “3-ring binder” (h/t Dan), the very first hit will take you to the sale page for Avery’s Economy Binder with 1-Inch Round Ring, Black, 1 Binder (3301). The reviews are hilarious and subversive, including this one entitled “A Legitimate Binder”:
I am so excited to order this binder! My husband said that I’ve been doing such a great job of cutting out of work early to serve him meat and potatoes all these years, and he’s finally letting me upgrade from a 2-ring without pockets to a binder with 3 rings and two pockets! The pockets excite me the most. I plan to use the left pocket to hold my resume which will highlight my strongest skills which include but are not limited to laughing while eating yogurt. The right pocket will be great for keeping my stash of aspirin, in case of emergencies when I need to hold it between my knees.
Here’s another, entitled “Doesn’t work as advertised“:
Could’t bind a single damn woman with it! Most women just seem vaguely annoyed when I put it on them and it falls right off. Am I missing something? How’d Mitt do it?
Or this one, called “Such a bargain!“:
I am definitely buying this binder full of women, because even though it works the same as other male binders, you only have to pay $.77 on the dollar for it!
But my favorite one is this (called “Great with Bic lady pens”), partly because it points me to another subversive Amazon-rated product:
I’ve been having a hard time finding a job recently, and realized it was because I wasn’t in a binder. I thought the Avery Economy Binder would be perfect. It needs some tweaks, though. It kicks me out at 5pm so I can cook dinner for a family I don’t have. I also don’t seem to be making as much as the binderless men. And sometimes the rings will snag the lady parts, so maybe mine is defective.
By the way, the BIC pens for Her are a great complement to this binder. I wondered why the normal pens just didn’t feel right. It turns out, I was using man pens. The pink and purple also affirms me as a woman. You can find them here.
I know it says “for her” on the package but I, like many, assumed it was just a marketing ploy seeking to profit off of archaic gender constructs and the “war of the sexes”. Little did I realize that these pens really are for girls, and ONLY girls. Non-girls risk SERIOUS side effects should they use this product. I lent one to my 13-year-old brother, not thinking anything of it, and woke up the next morning to the sound of whinnying coming from the room across the hall. I got out of bed and went to his room to find that my worst fears had been realized:
MY LITTLE BROTHER IS NOW A UNICORN and it’s all my fault. Sure, you’d think that having a unicorn for a little brother would be great but my parents are FURIOUS – I’ve been grounded for a MONTH!!! They made an appointment for him with our family practitioner, but I’m not sure it’ll do any good, and they told me that if it couldn’t be fixed I’d have to get a job to help pay for his feed and lodging D:I repeat, boys, DO NOT USE THIS PEN. Unless you want to be a unicorn, and even then be careful because there’s no telling that you’ll suffer the same side effects.SERIOUSLY BIC IT’S REALLY REALLY IRRESPONSIBLE FOR YOU TO PUT OUT THIS PRODUCT WITHOUT A CLEAR WARNING OF THE RISK IT POSES TO NON-GIRLS. Just saying it’s “For Her” is not enough!!!!
(I’m giving it two stars because even though they got me grounded, the pens still write really nice and bring out my eyes)